mother & scribe

Permanent Change


I like to think my desires are simple and pure
so when you asked what I want most, I said you
not knowing what that meant
until I began clawing at the wall fashioned between us

and you, leaving the far side, 

busted a hole clean through and wide enough to shatter delusion. 

If you asked me again, What do you want most? 
I would say, Nothing. I am everything and more. 
Peace is all I've ever wished before you came along
And peace is my claim and my longing since you went away.

In 2013, I learned that it's possible to desire an experience with someone as much as I desire life. Surrendering to not having that while committing the passion shattered the delusion that any corporal encounter is ultimate. In surrendering to passion yet not fulfilling the desire, my mind met tranquility and grasping at externalities eventually ceased, be those externalities other persons or material belongings. The key was surrendering desire fully to that single someone and moving through grief of losing to never a childhood dream, which distilled the fleeting experience of one kiss to what ecstasy lasts through birth and death.

See also Love Like Wildfire